"The lie that we tell
is it's better somewhere else
As if love flies south when it freezes."
- Nichole Nordeman
I'm not a fan of mainstream comedy, or comedy in general really. Of course there are a few must-sees, like Nacho Libre or Lars and the Real Girl (I guess I like it a little offbeat). But ask me if I've seen something with Will Ferrel or Adam Sandler, and I'll say no because I was probably watching a special on stingrays in the Great Barrier Reef or something. But last night Roberto really wanted to watch a comedy, and so we rented "Knocked Up".
You can probably guess the premise of the movie by its title; a one-night stand leaves Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl in more of a commitment than they bargained for.
I don't think comedies are supposed to get your blood boiling. And yet I wanted projectiles to throw at the tv screen at a few scenes in particular.
The plot's dilemma, other than the untimely pregnancy, was that Heigl and Rogen wanted to be together but believed they weren't "right" for eachother. Specifically, Heigl didn't want to end up like her older sister, who had a huge house in SoCal, two beautiful little girls, and was generally living the American Dream, but (get your violin out for this one) she had occasional disagreements with her husband. Like, they didn't always see eye-to-eye on a few everyday things.
If the viewers were supposed to see this as anything more than an easy laugh that any and every married person can relate to, I failed to notice. And yet, Heigl's rationale for breaking it off with her baby-daddy? "I don't want to end up like [my sister]. Every day is a constant struggle for them because they're not right for each other."
Maybe it's just me but I'm a little nauseated and confused by society's definition of "right". The fact that its ambiguity keeps everything so preciously relative beside, it's evident to me that our culture adores perpetuating the myth that if it doesn't work out with someone, they just weren't the one for you.
We like this scapegoat. We love any scapegoat that demotes our level of accountability and control over the sobering aftermath of something like a severed and broken family to the unfortunate event of catching the flu on your birthday.
Hey, ish happens. That's life. What can you do? Sorry, try again next time.
But happiness is not a Monopoly sticker you peel off the box of a Big Mac. The idea that your life will either work out or it will not makes about as much sense as having no idea how to drive a vehicle, ramming it over pedestrians every time you get in the driver's seat, and chalking it up to the fact that you bought a foreign car. So you get a Ford instead of a Toyota. Now you could learn how to actually drive that car and be a happy consumer, or you could spend your life going back to the dealer and saying "it just wasn't the car for me".
Before anyone gets offended, I'm not necessarily implying that the characters had an obligation to get married; I'm not saying sometimes the other person won't hear of working things out; I'm not saying there aren't legitimate reasons, such as abuse or infidelity, for ending a marriage. I'm specifically talking about the "we're different people"/"we've grown apart"/"we're not right for eachother" schticks.
"We're different people." Well I sure am sorry (and a little embarrassed) that it took you so long to figure that one out. I find it kind of funny since it was likely your opposites that attracted you to one another in the first place, and if you had married someone identical to you in every way, I can almost promise you'd be justifying the separation with boredom.
What's most unfortunate about this one is that people are viewing the beauty as the curse. I am so ridiculously imperfect, but when you take mine and Roberto's strengths and weaknesses and put them together, we are so much more of a deadly force in whatever it is we decide to do in this world than if we attempted to do any of it alone.
"We've grown apart." What you mean to tell me is that you've stopped working at it. You don't have to be married 25 years to see that one.
"We're not right for each other." Assuming that "right" is supposed to mean warm fuzzies all the time with about as much potential for turbulence as a Cadillac on a freshly paved expressway, no one is "right" for anyone. Please stop looking for that human being that will make your issues go away and your life complete, because they're human too and you're gonna die trying.
Marriage is the act of taking two physically, chemically, emotionally, and psychologically different beings, with their own unique backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives on life, and merging it all into one. Anyone who thinks friction isn't completely inevitable needs to take the money they were going to spend on an engagement ring and buy the next flight out of LaLa Land.
Anything in life worth having is worth working and fighting for---and fighting is the amount of effort it will require. Please don't shortchange yourself by buying into the lie that things just "work out" for some people but for others it does not. The people who are happiest in this life are the ones who never did a double-take of that mentality.
