Aww, did I offend you?

If you go looking for offense, you're going to find it. - Sara Groves.

They shake their head and smile a "what can you do" kind of smile. Oh Shauna, their little bull in a China shop. "She doesn't really mean it." They make an excuse because they love me, and they feel it's appropriate for one to be made. They do it when it's necessary by their standards, and even when it's not. Because they're just used to doing it. Surely it needs to be done. 


There was once a time when they even had me convinced. I found myself scrambling for rationale. Certainly something was wrong with me. Because who says what they mean... right? 

Not to be confused with "who says what they're thinking"; trust me, only Roberto gets the uncensored version of that. No, I meant what they mean. Someone close to me thinks they've coined it quite well: "Shauna, the difference between you and me is that I think it; you say it." This is not true in the sense that I'm actually not an ill-raised middle schooler that has to vent whatever is on the forefront of my mind. However, its truth lies in the fact that there are two kinds of people who get offended in the world: the kind that agree with the point of view, but they themselves lack the assertion they believe the offender has demonstrated and therefore feel they've broken the rules; and the kind that doesn't agree, and hates that the offender would speak truth because we live in a society where everything is relative and no one gets held accountable for much of anything short of manslaughter. It sounds ridiculous. It sounds childish and dramatic. It's all of the above.

Yes, I've realized it would serve me well to keep more of my opinions to myself. But should I have to? I know there are even some of you who are reading this and thinking "Shauna, Shauna. It's not what you say, it's 'how you say it'." 

That's where you're wrong. Because the idiots who would have gotten offended if I didn't sugar coat it will still get offended if I do. I absolutely promise and guarantee it. And in the end, the only difference is that I've settled for compromise. There are always less waves for those who are politically correct, kinda like how it's eerily easy to travel the road frequently traveled. 

A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for. - Grace Murray Hopper.

I've had many confrontations from people who attempt to bear the flag of vital, for-your-benefit information. "Shauna, I know you don't realize it, but it's the way you say things." Being an objective person who welcomes self-evaluation and introspection, I believed it. But once I finally began to retrospectively evaluate all the people who've tried to give me these little heart-to-hearts, I've realized a disconcerting pattern: every person who seemed oddly comforted by their seemingly selfless solutions? Well, they kinda had a crap ton of issues and a long track record of not dealing with them. 

I'm going on 23 years old, and a grown and married woman. I've moved my life 3 times in the last 7 years. I've lost 80lbs of body weight before I was 20 years old. I've had the closest and dearest friendships in the world, and I've felt I've had no one in life to call a friend at all. I think it's safe to say I'm a biggy kid, and not your typical Elle Wood. I can confidently say I know what I'm doing. When I say smoking is stupid on my Facebook, I haven't failed to realize that some people might get offended. (Completely random but perfect example that coincidentally just happened; I've been meaning to write this blog post, I swear.) I'm not under-socialized; nothing has passed over my head or slipped my mind. I'M not stupid. SMOKING is stupid. If you're smoking, you're being stupid, and you have loved ones who care about you, so that also makes you selfish = if you smoke, it's "highly likely" (threw that in there for those PITA's who like to get technical) that you're selfish and stupid. 

But oh, I'm sorry! Does that offend you? Perhaps you should go tell the 600,000 people who are going to die from second-hand smoke this year alone. Or perhaps the 571,950 who are expected to die of lung cancer, or the 351,585,000 people who are going to mourn because they know them.

Aw, crap. I did it again, didn't I?

Did I weigh the pros and cons of posting something controversial? Yes. But I decided that it was a win-win situation, because when it gets someone's attention, they will either agree with me, re-think smoking, or save me the trouble and annihilate our faux friendship themselves. Win, win, win. 

I beg you to believe me when I say I'm definitely not one of those annoying people who say things for shock value, or play devil's advocate and will debate about the end of the world TILL the end of the world. I just say what I feel needs to be said, unabashedly unconcerned when its importance outweighs the importance of the feelings of those who are consistently hyper-sensitive. When I'm dead, someone will admire me for this blog post and say the author had integrity. Until then, I'll be the black sheep that sleeps very well at night.

Where does my faith play a role in this? Jesus called a spade a spade. He didn't go out of his way to judge or offend, but he held those he loved accountable and wasn't politically correct, either. (Gosh I love that guy.) There is only one thing for which I fear and am apologetic, and that is things left unsaid. Sometimes in a room of 100 in-laws I will fail to remember to greet and kiss everyone. Or, I'll interact with someone whose grandfather just died and completely forget to offer my condolences. These offenses are more along the lines of legitimate, and I work to amend them.

Wake up to the sunrise with your windows open, don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken. - Point of Grace

It's obvious that free-speech is becoming a thing of the past; what we don't realize is that we're the ones taking it from each other. With cold shoulders. Disapproving facebook comments. Glances of repugnance that couldn't possibly send any message other than "um, what the hell?" In general, I just wish society, who claims objectivism, would put their biggie girlie panties on and practice what they preach. Stop reprimanding people when their opinions don't align with what the majority considers acceptable. Cope when they don't care that you don't like them. Deal with your personal issues instead of trying to rationalize them to someone who doesn't care. Finally, either consider other standpoints or be an adult and say "oh, that's what they think? HUH." and walk away. Because after all,

We're only an audience of what we choose to be. - Me